The most overdone thing of all time
by Kiana Unei
Summary: Harry Potter on a chat. Features the trio, Remus, Sirius, Ginny, the twins, and Fudge (rating for some language)
1. Default Chapter

One of the most overdone things of all time  
  
by Kiana  
  
  
  
I know everybody does these. Everybody, for every set of popular characters. This, however, is my first attempt.  
  
  
  
All the characters and events belong to J K Rowling. I am making no money from this pathetic waste of brain cells.  
  
_____________  
  
Quidditch554 has entered the chat room.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663 has entered the chat room.  
  
Hogwartshistry has entered the chat room.  
  
  
  
Quidditch554: Hi. A/l/s?  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: Hi! 15, home, yes please  
  
Hogwartshistry: 15, home, female.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: you g2 hogwarts, right?  
  
Hogwartshistry: Yes, actually.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: me 2 I wander if we know eachother  
  
Quidditch554: I go there too  
  
Hogwartshistry: Chuddly, your typing needs work.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: R U by any chance Hermione Granger?  
  
Hogwartshistry: Ron?  
  
Chudly_Cannon663: Neat!  
  
Quidditch554: I'm Harry.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: Hi!  
  
(SilverDragon has entered the chat room)  
  
SilverDragon: Great, Poty weasle & mudblood!  
  
Quidditch554: Sod off malfoy, and learn to spell!  
  
SilverDragon: Watch yourself potty or my father will make life hard for uyou!  
  
Quidditch554: what is 'uyou'??! and by the way, leave me alone or my GODFATHER will make lif hard for YOU!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: (snickers)  
  
SilverDragon: quiet wesal! are you threatinging me potty??  
  
Quidditch554: Your spelling stinks, and YEAH I'm threatining you!  
  
SilverDragon: As if your bloody godfather will listen to you! he's a death eather, remember??  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: don't harry  
  
Hogwartshistry: ron's right, don't do anything you'll regret!  
  
SilverDragon: what can he do to ME? Aww, potty are you feeling HELPLESS?!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: shut up MalFORMED!  
  
SilverDragon: is that the best insult you could come up with couldn't afford a beyyer one?!?  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: what the (@%&67890 is a 'beyyer'?!?!?!  
  
SilverDragon: oh, wesal, did you leatrn to coundt?  
  
Quidditch554: you need to learn to SPELL!!  
  
SilverDragon: no one asked you potty! watch yourself mudblood lover!  
  
Quidditch554: (mocking malformed) quiet or I'll tell my GODFATHER on you!  
  
SilverDragon: you ruddy godfather's on MY side, idiot!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: (as Malfoy) shut up or I'll have my FATHER kill you to death! I have to pay people to pretend to be my friends!  
  
SilverDragon: at least I have money unlike SOME people I know!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: you i3*#89002&0(*&#)!!!!  
  
SilverDragon: what was all THAT? you so poor that some of your keyboard buttons have TWO functions?  
  
Hogwartshistry: go away Malfoy!  
  
SilverDragon: or you'll do WHAT, mudblood?  
  
(P_Foote has entered the chat room)  
  
SilverDragon: who's THAT?  
  
P_Foote: who'r you?  
  
Quidditch554: Draco Malfoy.  
  
P_Foote: Lucius' son?  
  
SilverDragon: that's right. do you know my father? Are you a (DE)?  
  
P_Foote: (DE)?  
  
P_Foote: NO!!  
  
P_Foote: yes I knew your father. unfourtunatly  
  
SilverDragon: you'd better watch yourself or you'll come to a sticky end! If my father finds out that  
  
Quidditch554: shut up about your *%& father, malfoy!  
  
SilverDragon: oh yeah? well your GODfather's so ugly, that my mother actually fainted when she saw his picture in the paper! talk about revolting!  
  
P_Foote: you little *%#& how'd you like to say that to my face you *(#%&)# *%*?!?!?!?!  
  
Quidditch554: Sirius?  
  
P_Foote: Harry?  
  
SilverDragon: you're kidding!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: Hahahaha Malfoy!  
  
(SilverDragon has left the chat room)  
  
Quidditch554: Yay!  
  
(aidkdti has entered the chat room)  
  
aidkdti: I see a bad moon risin' I see trouble on the way!  
  
P_Foote: Judgeing by the fact that you're sitting next to me, I'd say that you are moomy  
  
aidkdti: ooh, u can't spell mooni  
  
aidkdti: I mean mooy  
  
aidkti: aw shit forgit it.  
  
(aidkti was kicked out of the chat room- no swearing)  
  
(Gred has entered the chat room)  
  
(Gred2 has entered the chat room)  
  
Gred: We are the wonders of the galaxcy!  
  
Gred2: all hail the Macho Nachos!!  
  
(Macamoonyandcheese has entered the chat room)  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: Hahaha u would have made good Maurauders Greds!  
  
Gred: Wow THANKS!!  
  
Gred2: Absolutly corkin'!! We LIKE YOU, PERSON!!  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: All hail Moony!! Moony is good! Moony is wise! Moony is me!  
  
P_Foote: Hay what avout me?  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: learn to spell then you can be hailed.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: haha fred & gerorge fell of their chairs onto the floor I can hear them in the next roome  
  
Hogwartshistry: Ron, it's 'room'. And you've spellt George's name wrong! Fred and George should be captitalized! There should be a semi colon between 'floor' and 'I'. There should be a period at the end. 'Haha' should also be captialized. It's 'off', not 'of'.  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: oh shyt up no one cares  
  
Gred: Moony???? THE Moony?!?!?!?  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: uhhuh.  
  
P_Foote: Hey! I'm feeling very left out here!  
  
Gred2: OHHHH!!! Tell me o great one how thy managed to create such a marvelous idem as thine Map.  
  
P_Foote: Hey! I came up with the password!  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: But I came up with the idea, the plans, the blueprints!  
  
P_Foote: only because you have no life!  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: oh, yeah, then why is MY name first, and your name second to last??? It's not 'Padfoot, Wormtail, Moony, and Prongs', is it!? No! MY name's FIRST!! Hahahah!  
  
P_Foote: Moony! you said that bastartd's name!!  
  
(P_Foote has been kicked out of the chat room- no swearing)  
  
Gred: But he spelled it wrong.  
  
Gred2: I guess that didn't matter.  
  
Gred: That's not right  
  
Gred2: I know, the compooper is only supposed to recognize  
  
Gred: when you spell it right!  
  
(Sirius_Black has entered the chat room)  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: Oh, God. Sirius!!  
  
Gred: Brilliant!!  
  
Gred2: Absolutly corkin'!  
  
Sirius_Black: What?  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: What do you think?!?!  
  
Sirius_Black: . . .  
  
(Vote4Me has entered the chat room)  
  
Vote4Me: AHHHH!! SIRUS BLACK is in here!!  
  
Sirius_Black: No shit, sherlock.  
  
(Sirius_Black has been kicked out of the chat room- no swearing)  
  
(I_xcaped_Azkaban has entered the chat room)  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: Why cant we swaer?  
  
Vote4Me: Sirus BLACK SIRIUS BLACK SIRIUS BLACK!!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: Shut up!!  
  
Gred: How'd you escape Azkaban? I thought  
  
Gred2: no one could!!  
  
Vote4Me: where are you, black? I promise I won't call the dementors, I just want to send you a card for escaping the escape-proof jail  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: yeah, right. Next you're going to resign as Minister of Magic, right?  
  
Gred: HEYY! I asked you a QUESTION, dumb-dumb!  
  
Gred2: don't call the GREAT ONE a dumbdumb, you prat! Please ignore my stupid brother, your Highness! He knows not what he says!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: well, to answer your question, a few years ago there was this tour of Azkaban  
  
Gred: a tour of axkaban? Neat!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: and this one kid got lost and found my cell. He offered to let me out in exchange for giving him directions.  
  
Gred2: hahaha  
  
Vote4Me: a tour? what idiot put a tour in Axkaban?!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: no one. it's AZkaban, you moron.  
  
(icu2 has entered the chat room)  
  
icu2: sup. a/l/s?  
  
Quidditch554: 15/home/m  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: 25/Scotland Yard/m  
  
Hogwartshistry: Since when? 15/ England/ f  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: 25/ home / m  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: 25/ decadent flat / m  
  
Vote4Me: 25/ ministry/ m  
  
Gred: 2months/ the moon/ m and f  
  
Gred2: 452265521 years/ on Uranus/ f and m  
  
Quidditch: that's not true! Proffessor, both you and my godfather are in your thirties; ron, yur 15, and Fudge, i don't know how old you are but it's not twentyfive you could have a grandsone 25.  
  
icu2: cool, man. anyone here from texas?  
  
Vote4Me: hey!  
  
Quidditch554: no were all in England  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: I'm from Scotland  
  
Gred2: I'm from Uranus  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: haeoimdhitkgkgrlfliaj  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: Padfoot? what was that?!  
  
Gred: PADFOOT??! THE padfoot?!?!?  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: some kid tried to take my keyboard and eat it.  
  
Quidditch554: Yuck!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: yup- the one and only! All hail ME!  
  
Gred2: I wanna grow up to be JUST LIKE YOU!!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: Mum'll LOVE that!  
  
Gred2: I mean your like the greatest guy on EARTH!! your a convict, our a Marauder, your escaped askaban  
  
(Red*Kitty has entered the chat room)  
  
Gred: hi babe are you pretty?  
  
Red*Kitty: eww! I'm Ginny, you prat!  
  
Gred: oops, I knew that!  
  
Red*Kitty: Eww!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: harry isn't that the girl you saved in your second year?  
  
Quidditch554: yeah  
  
Red*Kitty: I escaped azkaban? who do you think you are, sirus black?  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: yes, becakuse I am.  
  
Red*Kitty: no your not!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: yes, he is  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: you like the cannons, ron?  
  
Red*Kitty: No, he's not!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: Yeah! Cannons rule!  
  
Quidditch554: yes, ginny, he is.  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: then how come they havent won a Cup in 56 years?  
  
Red*Kitty: stop teasing me!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: they're having a bad season! who do YOU like anyway, the Azkaban @&&wipes?  
  
Hogwartshistry: they're not teasing you, Ginny; he really is Sirius Black.  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: watch your mouth!  
  
Red*Kitty: o my God. you guys are kidding, right?  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: How about the Scottish Bagpipes?  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: there's no such team! Cannons stink  
  
Quidditch554: no, we're not.  
  
Gred: Sirius Black is the greatest man alive!  
  
Chuddly_Cannon663: do not! Azkaban lover! azxkaban lober azkaban lover!  
  
Red*Kitty: He is not! why would you think that?!  
  
Gred2: Because he is!  
  
I_xcaped_Azkaban: SHUT UP, RON!! getting a little personal, are you!?  
  
Macamoonyandcheese: CALM DOWN! Sirius, you don't have to yell what you're saying to him out loud!  
  
  
  
  
  
That's it! Nick got home from school, so I have to feed him . . . oh, well. 


	2. Annoying Muggles, Snuffles, and Dudley's...

Chapter 2 1/2

by kiana unei

I'd just put the first chapter up for a joke, but since you liked it, here's more. Different day.

Harry and his world belong to J K Rowling.

icu2: sup

Wooober: sup

icu2: what's hapnin

Wooober: nothin much. U?

icu2: nothin much.

Wooober: dude.

icu2: totally.

            (Bobthebob has entered the chat room)

            icu2: sup Bob

Wooober: sup B. What's up?

Bobthebob: nothin much. U?

icu2: nothin much.

Wooober: dude.

icu2: totally.

            (HPiscool has entered the chat room)

            icu2: sup HPiscool

Wooober: sup HP

Bobthebob: sup H. What's hapnin?

HPiscool: nothin much

icu2: dude.

Wooober: totally.

            (Snuffles has entred the chat room)

            icu2: sup Snuffles

Woober: sup Snuffle

Bobthebob: sup Snuff

HPiscool: sup S. What's hapnin?

Snuffles: do you people do this every time someone comes on?

icu2: .......

Wooober: uh, yea

Bobthebob: HPiscool, what does HP mean?

HPiscool: Harry Potter.

icu2: dude, Harry Potter's gay.

Snuffles: he is?

icu2: yea.

Wooober: totally.

HPiscool: is not!

Bobthebob: is too!

HPiscool: is not!

Snuffles: SHUT IT!

Snuffles: thank you!

Snuffles: now, I don't see that this is any of your buisness!

icu2: dude, Harry potter stupid.

Wooober: totally

Snuffles: HE IS NOT!!

HPiscool: yea! Harry's the best! 

Bobthebob: One day I read PoA fifty times, and the next day the wart on my little finger was GONE.

icu2: ur weird.

icu2: U read poa 50 times in 1 day?

Bobthebob: yeah! Harry rocks! Ron rocks! Hermione's the best! Sirius Black is stupid!

Snuffles: HEY!! 

HPiscool: R U sure U read all of poa?

Bobthebob: well, the pages are torn out starting from page 9.

Wooober: UR stupid.

            (I_say has entred the chat room)

Bobthebob: sup I say

icu2: sup I S

Woober: sup I

HPiscool: what's hapnin?

I_say: nothing much.

I_say: hello

I_say: CANNONS RULE, BUT U DONT NO WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, CAUSE YOUR STUPID MUGGLES!!!

HPiscool: not true!

Snuffles: lemme guess . . . Ron?

I_say: o sorry. Snufles? were are yuo?

Snuffles: I am not going to tell that to you over a public communications port.

I_say: okay.

HPiscool: O i get it UR pretending to be thecaracters me 2 ill be harry.

icu2: u guys r stupid.

icu2: anybody here from new zeland?

Wooober: no

Bobthebob: no

HPiscool: no

I_say: n

Snuffles: nyet.

HPiscool: so, snuff, how u doing?

Snuffles: fine.

HPiscool: good. the dursleys r stupid i wish ud come over and kick their @&&s.

Wooober: u guys r dumb.

            (Wooober has left the chat room)

            icu2: totally.

            (icu2 has left the chat room)

            (Bobthebob has left the chat room)

            Snuffles: Dursleys? Harry?

HPiscool: yah?

Snuffles: why is your name 'harry potter is cool'?

I_say: hahah.

            (HPiscool has left the chat room)

            (HPiscool has rentered the chat room as harrypotter995)

            harrypotter995: hi.

I_say: hi harry how r u?

harrypotter995: fine. Sirus i dont want to live with the dursleys arnymore

Snuffles: I don't blame you.

I_say: is dudy still fat?

harrypotter995: yup. he ate his smelting's stick yesterday.

I_say: eww!

Snuffles: WHY?

            (ididntdoit has entered the chat room)

            ididntdoit: hi chaps whats new?

I_say: hi. noting.

Snuffles: i didn't do it, either. what didn't you do?

harrypotter995: hi we're playing hp wanna play?

ididntdoit: sure! i like pretendingt o be other oeople. I'll be sirus!

Snuffles: . . .what?

harrypotter995: cool!

harrypotter995: oops i mean . . . cor! ......i think......

ididntdoit: hi harry where are you?

harrypotter995: at the dursleys i don't like them.

I_say: fred n george told mum yesterday that they wanna b just like u when they grow up, Sirius

ididntdoit: im trying tyo send u an owl harry but i forgot what ur adress is.

Snuffles: did she scream?

harrypotter995: #4 private drive, little winging, surrey

ididntdoit: thanks!

Snuffles: don't give strangers pretending to be me your adress!

I_say: yup. really loudly, 2.

ididntdoit: 'pretending to be me'? what r u talking about . . ?

harrypotter995: he's not a stranger snuffles, he's my fodgather!

Snuffles: your what? ...no, harry, he's NOT your godfather, I am!

ididntdoit: hay! im being sirus right now! u can be him later!

Snuffles: you're not understanding me. I am, in real life, Sirius Antony Black, escaped convict, wrongfully accused man, and Harry's godfather.

I_say: Antony and Cleopatra!

harrypotter995: antony's a stupid name. it should be sirius lee black.

Snuffles: thankfully, mum was kinder than that. And who'r you calling stupid? I had to talk James out of nameing you Holden McGroyn Potter. Seems he thought it funny.

ididntdoit: ....howd you know about that . . .? R U really sirus?

Snuffles: YES! It learns! And my name is "Sirius". NOT "Sirus".

ididntdoit: uhoh . . .

Snuffles: 'uhoh' what? 'Uhoh . . . it's Sirius Black, the infamous convict'?

ididntdoit: er . . . . hi, sirus . . . you're not still mad at me, are you? I mean

Snuffles: "Sirius"!!!

ididntdoit: we're both adults, and so fourth, so we can put our differeances behind us, right, Padfoot? Huh? Right?

Snuffles: .......how do you know my nickname? the only people alive who would call me that are Remus, .............................and it.

ididntdoit: hey! I'm male, you [oophead!

Snuffles: DIIIIIIIIIIIIE TRATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ididntdoit: can't get me over the net! hahahashahahahahaha!!!!

I_say: just a tic, ill brb.

ididntdoit: what?

Snuffles: YOU DID TOO DO IT YOU LYING SOB!@!!!!

ididntdoit: why does everybody always talk in codes?! BYOB, ASAP, AKA, BRB, SOB- even the Muggles have codes! NASA, BBS, ID . . .  its' not fair. 'I' don't have a code.

            (Bogieface has entered the chat room)

            Bogieface: SIRIUS!! "Bogieface"?! Thanks a lot! Next time I'm going to enter you in as "Dog Breath"!

Snuffles: Sorry, Bogieface.

Snuffles: that's becvause your too styupid, Peter!!!!!!!!!!! When I get my halnd you on ilyyhy kat oyljhao8uthnfvlu lazlij e !!!!!!!!!!!!

ididntdoit: see? even YOU have a code!

Bogieface: no; he tried to strangle the keyboard. Sirius, what ARE you doing? Oops, the computer I've got has automatic dictation. It writes what ever I say.

Bogieface: Oh, well. Sirius, stop it!

harrypotter995: what's he doing?

Bogieface: Oh, hi, Harry. Your godfather is smashing his poor keyboard with a spanner, cursing at Wormtail. Abnormal behaviour, even for him.

Bogieface: No, YOU shut it, Sirius, and leave that thing alone!

ididntdoit: bogieface, do i know you?

Snuffles: yea, you know im. e's Reus Lupin.

Snuffles: ey! Te   is't working!

Bogieface: Beg pardon?

Bogieface: Oh. Well, you WERE slamming the poor board with a spanner, so....

ididntdoit: huh?

Bogieface: I refuse to speak to you, murderer, but- well, Harry, it seems as though your godfather has broken his keyboard. It won't type "h" or "m". Sirius, go through the keys to see which, exactly, won't comply.

Snuffles: a c d e f g Eric te  alf-a- ee. i   k l   n o p q r stuvwzyz

Snuffles:  ,  ,  , and   won't work.

Bogieface: "b, h, j, and m".

ididntdoit: haha.

            (cannonsrking has entered the chat room)

            cannonsrking: My team, you are thee

cannonsrking: I hate the embassy 'cause they can't see

cannonsrking: they think you made a foul- how'd they like to be fat cows?

cannonsrking: Cannons are King.

Snuffles: Let e guess- you wrote tat.

cannonsrking: yup! 2the tune of godsavethe queen!

cannonsrking: They'r simpley the best!

cannonsrking: defeating all the rest!

Snuffles: now you'r ust eing a pest, 'cause you tink

cannonsrking: Cannons are King!

cannonsrking: oh, yeah? well what's your team then?

ididntdoit: You like the Cannons? Me too!

Bogieface: figures.

Snuffles: God, RAT, are you still ere?

cannonsrking: hey! hay! leave ididntdoit alone, dogface! Cannons are KING!

Bogieface: As you repeated many times in your little song.

Snuffles: O don't you DARE stand up for tat disgusting TING!!!

cannonsrking: just because he likes the Cannons?!!

            (ieatthereforeiam has entered the chat room)

            Snuffles: No, ecause e's te RAT!!!!!!!!! And cannons stink!

ididntdoit: no, YOU stink! Leave cannonsrking alone!!!!

Snuffles: ey! it isn't Y fault I aven't een ale to take a sower for 15 years!!!

cannonsrking: u havent taken a SHOWER in 15 YEARS!?!?!?!?

Bogieface: Ewww! Sirius!! Go take one RIGHT NOW!!!!

Bogieface: NOWWWW!!!!!!!!!

            (Snuffles has left the chat room)

            ieatthereforeiam: Snuffles? Ron? Hi!

Bogieface: Who are you?

ieatthereforeiam: Harry!

ididntdoit: but . . . harry's already here.

harrypotter995: yeah, man, I'M being harry right now!

ieatthereforeiam: Okay, first, I would NOT have my name as my screen name. it would be a target for death eaters.

cannonsrking: good point. harrypotter995, get otta here! you aren't harry!

harrypotter995: u guys r mean!

            (harrypotter995 has left the chat room)

            ididntdoit: that wasn't very nice!

Bogieface: Look who's talking!

cannonsrking: Harry, what's wrong with your name?

ieatthereforeiam: It's Dudley's password. I'm using his computer. 'I eat, therefore I am.' It suits him well.

Bogieface: DeCarte would drop dead if he knew what his bit of wisdom had turned into.

            (i8rats has entered the chat room)

i8rats: ey! it's supposed to e "i 8rats"!

cannonsrking: u can't have a space between any letters.

ieatthereforeiam: eww. . .! Snuffles, don't remind me!

Bogieface: yes, Padfoot; I'd rather not know about any . . . delecassies you've sampled whilst on the run.

i8rats: No! No! Not "i8rats", "i 8rats"!!!

ieatthereforeiam: Ron's right though- you can't put any spaces.

i8rats: it's not a space- it's an

ididntdoit: ......that's a space.

i8rats: "I -space-  ate -space- rats!" Not "I ate rats!"

cannonsrking: er.......

Bogieface: Oh! Padfoot, did you mean, "i Hate rats"?

i8rats: Yes! Tank you, oony!!

ididntdoit: that's not very nice.

i8rats: and enoyed the . You're next.

ieatthereforeiam: eugh!


End file.
